Take a look at some of the major emotions we all have from time-to-time: anger, worry, and stress . They are the “big” emotions that can cause us BIG problems.
A neat thing to observe is that they can all be based on the fear – or perceived fear – of losing something.
You get angry when someone cuts you off while driving. Why? Potential loss of your life or injury. Maybe, what you feel is disrespect to you or basic safety – loss of respect. You get stressed or angry about being late or someone else being late or not returning your calls or emails. There you have a little loss of time and/or respect.
Worried about losing your job, spouse or a friend? Worry, anger, stress, in fact, most of our negative emotions can stem from a fear or perceived fear of losing something or someone.
What would happen if the next time you got angry, stressed or worried, you stopped your emotional reaction and asked yourself, “What am I afraid of losing here?”
Listen for the answer. Then follow that up with a few more questions like: “So what if I lose (blank) or (blank) happens? Is that really important?” “What is the worst possible outcome if I no longer had (blank) in my life?” “What would be the worst possible outcome if I didn’t allow (blank) to bother me anymore?”
OK, let’s go deeper beyond losing money, a job or even respect. Maybe a loved one is dying and you’re afraid of losing him or her. That’s normal. But that fear of losing someone – while sad – is still based on losing someone. Now, I don’t want to appear to be unsympathetic, but allow me to ask you: How does your worry (or fear) of losing that person change anything?
Maybe you already lost that person. Of course, there will be grieving. But, after a while, how long are you going to let that person control your present or future? Some people hold on to their grief because it gives them a reason to be angry or sad. It allows them to keep others away or have them feel sorry for them. It allows them to over eat, over drink, take drugs, etc.
All of that.. changes nothing.
The fear of losing someone or that anger or stress you may have about losing a job, a friend, a spouse or time or respect actually changes nothing unless… unless… you become aware of what it is you feel you may lose or have lost and then logically – not emotionally – determine if there is anything that you can do to alleviate that loss. AND then LOGICALLY decide if you WANT to do anything about it.
For example using the “someone cut you off” example. You have a perceived loss of life or a possible injury, as well as, maybe, a loss of respect due to someone else’s actions. What can you LOGICALLY do about it after that person cut you off and is driving away? Nothing! Just slow down and let the idiot keep going. Take a few deep breathes and let it go!
Maybe you’re worried about losing your job. (There’s that “losing” again.) What can you LOGICALLY do about it? Well, the answers to that can be numerous or maybe you can do nothing. However, getting angry about it or stressed about it won’t take care of it either. But through logic, perhaps you can come up with a solution to keep your job or get another one.
However, as mentioned, some folks (subconsciously) enjoy the negative emotions of pain of worry, anger or stress. They wear the loss of a loved one, a spouse a friend, a job or money like a shiny button. It gets them a lot of attention. Yet, it helps no one, especially themselves.
What does help to alleviate or damper down negative emotions is realizing that many of them can be traced back to a possible or potential loss. You then have to decide if that loss is important. You have to decide if holding on to those negative emotions is beneficial to you or others. (Guess, the answer to that one!)
Perhaps, it’s time for some self-examination as it pertains to some of the fears and worries you may have. Look at what is bothering you and ask yourself, “What am I afraid to lose?” and “How important is it?”
Follow Bob on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/BobGarnerSpeaker
Copyright: You can reprint or repost this to your own blog or website but you must include the following: ©2016 Bob Garner. Used by Permission. Originally posted on Bobgarneronline.com